Grammar Police - American InterContinental University

A few weeks ago, I applied for an admissions job at the American InterContinental University (a school I'd never heard of before).  Well, wouldn't you know it, I ended up getting a phone interview.  The phone interview was fine enough - though it was clear this position was not at all what I was looking for, and barely constituted as an Admissions Advisor position.  I was honest with the interviewer, telling her that I wasn't sure this job was for me - that it sounded an awful lot like my customer service call center job I'd held previously.  So, she offered to send me the detailed job overview document they normally send to people who are interviewing in person.

Well, I got that document.  And barely a paragraph in, I was laughing my ass off.  And also very confused. 

My mixed reactions to reading this document. 

Not only was this document riddled with punctuation and grammar issues, it was almost incomprehensible.  I had to pause several times throughout reading this document just to yell at it.  It got to the point that I had to actually rewrite their 4 page document to make sense of it.

This is the first sentence of the document.

The first sentence itself bothered me so much.  I knew what they were trying to say, I really did.  But, it just doesn't work.  It doesn't work because it's two unrelated sentences being joined by the wrong conjunction word.  So, I mean, I literally couldn't even get past the first sentence.

The first sentence with my changes.

I like to think my option is the better one.  But, the whole document was like this.  There were extra spaces between words, inconsistent Oxford commas, incorrect common phrases, comma splices, run-ons, etc...  If it's an incorrect way to write something, it was probably in this document.  Which reminds me, please don't use a semicolon if you don't know how to use one.  Please and thank you. :)

But seriously, just look at this one paragraph.  The top is what they include in their document, the bottom is my corrected version.

I think the worst part of this to me is that they send this document out to people regularly.  This organization was hiring for multiple openings in this position.  Who knows how many people were sent this atrocity.  Yes, I have a Bachelor's Degree in English now, so I'm a little bit more interested in spotting grammar/punctuation issues.  But come on, this document is unreadable.  As soon as I read this document, I was immediately disinterested in working for this company.  That can't be the type of message their team is trying to send to potential employees.

Anyway, if you're an employer sending out documents to future employees, please make sure you have someone read them over and edit them first! Especially if you're a university trying to convince people to work or attend there.  I wouldn't want to work there, and I certainly wouldn't trust the education I'd be getting there as a student either. 

Write on!
Amy